What actor would play you if a movie was made about your life? My wife and I have played the Newlywed Game about 4-5 times in our marriage. (If you are unfamiliar with the game, each couple answers a variety of questions to see how aligned their thinking is about one another. Later, they reveal their answers in front of everyone to see if they answered the same.) On a few different occasions, my wife has had to answer the question about what actor would play me in a role about my life. She always says: “Dwayne Johnson!” Cheers!
A few years back, I was playing the Heads Up game with a group of friends. During the game, my friend Sergio had a turn. (If you are unfamiliar with the game, one player stands before a group with a phone or iPad facing the group; the player is not to see the screen of the phone/iPad. The group sees the word/phrase and tries to get the player to guess the word/phrase without saying the word/phrase.) Well, during this session, I saw the phrase Sergio had to guess and I blurted out: “I look like this NBA player!” Within a split second, he responded: “LeBron James!” How in the world did he conclude that accurately?! Point awarded!
People have a choice in how they decide to view their spouse: as the best of the best, as the worst of the worst, or something in between the best and the worst. To nobody’s surprise, I choose to view Lita as the best of the best! King Solomon wrote: “Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the young women.” Lita is my lily! What about all women outside of her? Thorns! But what about Miss Universe? Thorn! But what about that one celebrity? Thorn! But what about your Mom? Incredible and phenomenal thorn! Anyone who knows me knows how I love my Mom, but there isn’t even a competition: Lita is first. I choose to view Lita as the smartest, strongest, most entertaining, most uplifting, most spiritual, most helpful, most beautiful person in the world.
What about how the wives view the husbands? King Solomon also wrote: “Like an apple tree among the trees in the forest is my beloved among the young men.” Naturally, the poet in me enjoys the concept of an apple tree compared to the tumbleweeds better! But what about the most muscular man on the planet like Dwayne Johnson? Tumbleweed! But what about the wealthy Bill Gates? Tumbleweed! But what about superstars and cultural icons LeBron James or Steph Curry? Couple of tumbleweeds! (Except to Savannah and Ayesha!)
Kit Cummings wrote: “Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.” I believe you can apply the same principle to people: “Change the way you view people and the people you view change.” Two additional principles from Kit’s attitude science affirm: “I find what I look for” and “What I focus on expands.” What if you looked only for evidence that you have the best spouse? What if you only focused on the evidence that affirms you have the best spouse? How would your thoughts, words, actions, and responses change?
Each time I officiate a wedding, I call the bride and groom into faithfulness on five levels. To the husband, I say: (1) “Be faithful to your wife mentally: Think romantic, intimate thoughts about your wife and no other.” (2) “Be faithful to your wife visually: Look with longing passion to your wife and no other.” (3) “Be faithful to your wife verbally: Flirt with your wife and no other.” (4) “Be faithful to your wife emotionally: Reserve special closeness with your wife and no other.” (5) “Be faithful to your wife physically: Share your body with your wife and no other.” Then, I reiterate the same call to the bride. When you anchor your spouse above all others, you preserve faithfulness in your marriage.
Below are a few questions to help you implement this principle:
Primacy and recency effects convey that people tend to remember the beginning and the end more than the middle. How can you start and end your day exalting your spouse above all other people?
King Solomon wrote: “There is no flaw in you.” Consider the fifteen day flawless challenge. What is stopping a fifteen day experiment where you only think, speak, respond, and take action considering your spouse as flawless?
Thorns and tumbleweeds disguised as flowers are a threat to your marriage. How can you alter your view of those outside your marriage to better protect the union?
Which of the five levels of faithfulness challenges you the most? What can you change immediately to have better success in this area?