One tradition my married friends consistently practice is praising their spouse when they are delivering a speech in public. If I am being completely transparent, I became annoyed at this principle. To myself I thought, “Calm down about your wives already. We all know that you guys think your wives are amazing and beautiful.” Oh help my critical heart! However, I considered what the opposite practice might look like. Imagine if my married friends had a practice of insulting their wives in public before their speeches. What a horrific thought! Being in the presence of a couple who insists on insulting one another is unbearable and uncomfortable. In fact, I do not spend time with couples who treat each other with contempt. Protecting my marriage from bad company is paramount.
Later, I read a proverb that affirmed: “May you ever be intoxicated with her love.” Now that is an upward call! Recalling my prior foul attitude, I committed to celebrating each time I heard anyone commend their spouse. How pure and powerful it is to hear a spouse uplift their partner’s: physique as beautiful, handsome, lovely, strong, sexy, and attractive; intellect as smart, savvy, wise, knowledgeable, and competent; personality as fun, creative, thoughtful, considerate, and entertaining; character as noble, compassionate, loving, diligent, positive, and resilient.
About 15 years ago, my friend, Johnny, told me a phenomenal story about a lesson his Dad taught him. In the story, Johnny spoke to his mom with an attitude, but his Dad intervened: “Don’t you talk to my wife that way. Nobody talks to my wife that way. You apologize to her and then to me.” I love that! Once Lita and I were married, we instituted this principle in our family. While we do not have children, we decided we would also have expectations about how each of us talked about ourselves. If it was unacceptable for an outsider to say to either of us, it is unacceptable for us to say about ourselves. Any time I insult myself, I owe her an apology for talking down about her husband. Any time she insults herself, she owes me an apology for talking down about my wife. We build up in this family; we don’t tear down!
Below are a few questions to help you build an atmosphere of admiration in your marriage:
What words would best build up your spouse?
How can you use uplifting words in the morning, the afternoon, and the evening?
Of the four areas mentioned, what area can you improve the most for uplifting your spouse: (1) physique, (2) intellect, (3) personality, (4) character?
What other category do you think would be helpful to affirm your spouse?
If our thoughts become our words, how can you turn every insulting thought to an uplifting thought?
What hesitations do you have about being generous in praise?